John Burkholder

Yesterday, I had an experience I felt was worth sharing and definitely worth sending a message to Phil Schoonover of Circuit City. I am actually a proponent of customer interaction and response when it comes to the service industry. If a company is doing a good job, the company should know it. If they do a bad job, they should also be told. Below is the letter I am writing to the CEO of Circuit City. Good Day Mr. Schoonover, My name is N8ivWarrior and I was a potential customer in your store in 814 in Woodbridge, Virginia last night, December 28, 2006 at 5:30PM. I realize this letter may look long and laborious, but I wanted to make sure you understood my entire customer experience in your store. Last night, I wanted to buy a DVD player for my mother-in-law. She already had a DVD player, but it was unable to play DVD-R disks that were used to create home movies of her granddaughter's Christmas day. My family actually lives in Illinois so this was the only way she was going to see h...

I have been eating entirely too much since my visit home. Tomorrow, as I head back to Virginia I will be boarding the plane considerably heavier and rounder than last Thursday when I arrived. Knowing the NTSB and all of their new-fangled scanner apparatuses, they have considered my weight leaving the plane in Chicago and will throw up some red flag when I go to board the plane. "Warning! The passenger has gained 40 pounds in a week. He MUST have a cavity search to find out what he is hiding." I hope they use the lube this time... I have actually been pretty lucky when it comes to the airport. As long as you know what you can and can't take on the plane, avoid carrying explosives, and wear easily slip-on shoes, you can move through rather quickly. The fact that I tend to fly the same airline every time and buy round-trip tickets doesn't hurt either. This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). If you are going to be the person that stands there and argues ...

Merry Christmas Everyone! I was awaken at 6:00AM this morning to excited children and an even more excited wife. She was extremely anxious to see the expressions on everyone's faces and have fun with gift opening. As for me, it was perfect. I ended up getting an Atari gaming system. You remember Atari with the games like Pitfall, Asteroids and the such. Well, the company makes a product that is basically the Atari, without the cartridges. It has 40 of the games and plays exactly like the old ones did. For me, it was like going back in time and getting the Atari that I always wanted but never had. I had another game called the Magnavox Odyssey. There were not nearly as many games. Avery gave me a Hot Wheels Spiderman truck that she picked out her own self. Everyone tried to convice her to get something else, but it was to no avail. Avery was getting me the Hot Wheels. Just fine with me. I like Hot Wheels and I can put it in my new office. Other wonderful things to note are the All-A...

I am not a big fan of wrapping gifts. So when Christmas comes around, you can understand my apprehension. The fact that we use paper to wrap something just so someone else can rip it off is a bit further than I wish to go. Unfortunately, I am alone in this household when it comes to this point of view. Today, I sent the wife out with all the kids except Dan to the movie to see Charlotte's Web. Dan and I sat in front of the TV watching to Bears narrowly beat the Lions and wrapped until I have wrapping elbow. After destroying my wife prized tape dispenser and going through two other rolls of tape and not so much paper, I think I have finished my wrapping. Tomorrow, as they sit there and tear the two rolls of tape off of the two shoe boxes, I will smile because I accomplished the wrapping job I set out to do. Yes, it may take a cutting torch to break the box free of the tape boundary, but the small tears in the paper because the paper is too weak for the sharp corners will not peak th...

Christmas Adam is the day before Christmas Eve. After all, Adam came before Eve. This is really the last day to do any real shopping as tomorrow the stores will close early. So, since I have hardly accomplished any of my shopping (being male and all) I headed out to the malls and department stores with all of the other males to hunt down the toys and junk that will take another year to get rid of. Let's think about all of this for just a moment. The kids are having a hell of a time buying gifts for me. Why? Because I need absolutely nothing. I have everything I need and most everything else is just clutter after a month. I don't often get terribly excited about gifts or material goods. I am more of an experience type of person. I would much rather go to a play, tool around San Francisco, or take dance lessons than have a watch that will surely be broken within a year. The other things I will remember forever. The MP3 player I will forget. This brings me to my point (as I almost...

Today is the anniversary date for my blog. So here is a quick review of the past year. Toilet Paper, Duct Tape, The English Language, Bathrooms, Names, Buying a Reader, Other Cultures, Lard, Losses. This list of labels yet to be added to my Beta version of my blog is just the edge. People often ask me what the biggest hit entry is... Queen of Denial is definitely the King. I would have to say I have had about 2500 hits on that entry alone. The entry with the most comments (this included xanga and myspace) Meeting of Two Minds . Most controversal entry is a toss up... on xanga it was about homosexuality and the Bible called OkieDokieThen . On Blogger, My Rare Political Statement...Illegal Immigrants . In my year, I have met fellow bloggers, started other people in blogging and started writing a book. There have been good and bad times. Both I have learned from. I have discovered the ingenuity of people and how they make money. This has been a great year. May the next year be as good a...

When I get a chance, I check other blogs. Not those kiddie blogs, real adults writing thoughts. One of more recent reads is iNina . She has done something that made me think..."why didn't I think of that?" She has performed a care package swap with Sima in the United States and iNina is tickled pink. When did I miss this cultural exchange through blogging? I feel I already learn so much from other people through the blog itself, I never even considered doing any kind of trading. As some of you know, when I travel, I tend to bring back a momento from each state that is strictly a state or regional item. Take for instance, Rhode Island. What in the world is Rhode Island (a state about the size of a small farm) known for? Maine, lobster; Maryland, blue crab; Rhode Island...coffee syrup. I had to actually ask a local what her relatives buy when they come home. Coffee syrup is a syrup made of coffee. I had never even heard of it until that one moment. This brings me to my poi...

I worked all weekend at the bookstore cafe'. Something to note for all of you 40 year old males interested in a nice relaxing job making coffee for bookstore shoppers...wear comfy shoes. It will require a considerable amount of time on your feet. Saturday was crazy. We were non-stop and the line was always 5 people deep. Of course it was 65 degrees out as well, so EVERYONE had to have the frozen drinks which are the worst to make. With two of us being new, seasonal help, we kept up as much as we could, but in the end, it was my body that finally took the toll. When I finally sat down at the end of the day, every muscle in my feet was screaming to be rubbed. I am not sure about your feet, but when my feet are in that much pain, for some reason it is also accompanied by a pungent scent. So, off go the shoes, off with the socks and on with the candles and odor sprays. This brings me to my point (as I almost have one). How do you handle a customer that is visually and scentually offen...

OK, I will accept the challenge to try out Blogger Beta since I had to create a Google account in order to comment on other people's site. Blogger published on this . So, If you would like to see my progress, http://Beta-N8ivWarrior.blogspot.com . So far, I have spent about 30 minutes trying to get going. Not bad. If they can move content as they say will happen, I should be all set.

My boss in my second job calls me Joe. Even after correcting him repeatedly, he still calls me Joe. It has gotten so far out of control that other people I work with now call me Joe. You would think with the name tag proudly displaying "John", he could get it right at least once. I am at the point where it is funny and I am making a label to place over it with "Joe" written on it. He would probably start calling me Jake. At that point, we will have every other employee totally confused with who actually works there and what my name is. Just for fun, I should use a different name each day of the week. That could be interesting. I could bet that my boss would start calling me by my real name in no time. This brings me to my point (as I almost have one). For some reason, I can't comment on other people's Beta Blogger sites. I know this point really has no correlation to the topic, but I did want to drop it in there. Now for the other point... Call me what you w...

Several people I read have or are reaching landmarks. All of them are impressive. iNina managed to blog for 30 straight days in November. I have attempted such a feat at one point and couldn't quite make it. Americans Amuck are stepping the blogging scene up with their final goal of 365 blog entries in a single (the first) year. Amazing! I really can't manage to put a daily blog together. During the summer, I really want to get outside and do stuff. So my hot time to blog is really during the winter. I am very indescriminate about what I blog about. Most of the time it is my observations, things that I think are just wrong, or my own twisted view. During the past year, I started with my daughters being the only ones to read my ranting. My middle daughter was actually the catalyst to me blogging. She started my wife on it, which made me give it a try. Little did I know how much I would enjoy writing and getting all of this crap in my head out. During the high life (before summer...

I actually read other people's blogs. I really don't have a lot of time to do so, but when I get the chance...and a computer, I make an effort. Mickerdoo changed over to the Blogger Beta recently. I decided I was going to actually leave a comment and was unable. Instead, I will write a blog entry about it. This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). No way will I change over to a Beta product. I appreciate the people who change over, but there are a couple things that deter me. First, I have spent considerable time making the site look like it does. Yes, it could use a renovation, but I want to do it in my own time. Not because it didn't take the move to Beta well. Second, the reason it is called Beta is because they are not finished developing the product. For me, trying out Beta software is like nude cliff diving in a Mastercard sort of way. Jumping from the 600 cliff; invigorating. Flying in the air with everything flapping in the breeze; exciting. Seeing ...

This is the second time I have come across this issue and I am frankly fed up. I find it terribly interesting and appalling that people actually have convinced themselves that this is true. Of course, history is written by people (mostly men) and is usually told by the winners, but this time, there is so much evidence against these idiots, I have a hard time believing they are walking on two legs. What has me on this tirade? Holocaust Denial groups. Yes boys and girls, there are people on this planet that believe that the holocaust did not happen. They believe that the 5 million Jews that were "not" systematically killed by the Nazis and their allies must have all fallen down stairs or forgot how to set the safety on their squirt guns. They believe there was no such thing as a gas chamber and have set out to prove it with experts such as Quazimoto and Aquaman. Seriously, they feel there never was a mass termination of life or that it didn't happen in the same way as the m...

I have taken a second job. It is not that I don't have enough to do at my first job. In fact, I have plenty to do. No, I have taken a second job for two reasons. First, on the weekends, I sit there watching TV and continuously think (which is not good). I need to get out of the hovel and do something with my time. The second job is for nights and weekends. The second reason is, the extra little bit of money would be nice during this time of the season. But it is not really either that motivates me most. Those are the logical reasons. Truthfully, I always wanted to work in a bookstore (as mentioned in my Utopia series) and now I am getting my chance. Granted I will be working in Seattle Best Coffee cafe' in Borders, but Borders is a bookstore nonetheless. This is also a chance for me to actually relax at work. The amount of pressure involved in my new position is very low and requires an interaction with customers on the most basic level..."may I help you." I have alwa...

Something has always bewildered me about some men...and some women for that matter but that is another discussion. If you are male, and have to pee, why do you insist on walking past the open urinals to a stall and piss on the toilet seat? This question has come up for me more than once. I personally have never been able to understand the mentality behind this action. The reason they hung these things on the wall was so you don't pee on the toilet seat. Is it due to the fact you don't feel like kissing the tile or hugging the flush valve? Are you unable to keep your balance while urinating and have to lean against the stall wall? If either of these are the case, then sit your butt down! You all miss. For some reason, either the three feet from your wick to the bowl is too much of a stretch, or your cut a bit on the short side and don't realize it. For the women readers, here is where I am going with this...they miss and either hit the seat (because men don't lift) or th...

Did I mention the mall was big? The distance between the Capitol building and the Lincoln Memorial is not a laughing matter. Continuing on from my last blog entry, I headed toward the Lincoln Memorial. Mr. Smith was right. After you climb the 40,000 stairs dodging the school tours groups and cameras to the entrance of the memorial, and enter the front, and tucked in the darkness is Honest Abe. He looks down at you as if he has been waiting for you to appear. He grips the arms of the chair and sits there...waiting for you to speak. The statue is magnificent. On the wall to his left is the second inauguration speech made during the Civil War. On his right, the Gettyburg address. Exiting the memorial is the best view. As I reflect on the reflection of the Reflecting pool, I see the Washington Monument. Past that, the Capitol building. It is no wonder the cameras were en masse on the stairs. Time to head back to the metro station. My legs are starting to feel the lactic acid build up. I am...

After leaving the museum, I continued on with my trip around the Washington mall. If you have never walked the mall before, make sure you have comfortable walking shoes...and went to the bathroom prior to leaving the last museum. I continued on to the Capitol building. This is where history was made. Decisions of the world have been made in this building. Politicians have been paid in this building. It is one of the most splendid architectural structures in the world. It is associated to the people of America. We the people, vote for the people to represent our way of life. But most of all, Jimmy Stewart was here (sticking with Mr. Smith goes to Washington ). I walked up the set of stairs to where the Capitol policeman was staring down at me from his converted porta-potty. I wave. He does nothing. They have no sense of humor. Back down the stairs (which there seem to be a lot). Picking up the pace slightly (because I saw most of it on the way there), I have to stop at a light waiting f...

Sunday, instead of sitting in the smoke infested house, I decided it was time to take a trip to Washington. I really haven't been there in a couple years, so there were a couple things I wanted to see. Plus, after watching Mr. Smith goes to Washington the night before, I was feeling a bit patriotic and cynical. Off to DC I go. Knowing better than to park in the city itself, I stopped in Springfield and rode the metro. Washington DC metro is known for the cleanliness and efficiency of the metro system. Unfortunately for me, the rail car I was in, had the essence of dried vomit wafting throughout. Turning green from the scent, I tried to hold my breath and breath through my mouth. At every stop on the blue line, I would stick my head out the window and pant taking large gulps of cool air. After arriving at the mall (the very large area between the Capitol and Lincoln Memorial, the White house and the Jefferson Memorial) I headed toward the Capitol building. For those who remember wa...

My Dear Jami, Surprise! Your Dad is actually writing you a letter... A letter that is long overdue. Andi says that being away has given me time in my head. She's right. She's right a lot lately. So while I am cruising back from dinner at Ho's Dynasty by myself tonight a song came on the radio that made me cry like a little girl and think of ...well...me. But not just me, you as well. I have been slowly letting out some emotions that I have had bottled for quite some time and learning how to deal with them (that's where the being in my head part comes in). Here is what I have discovered. I am so proud of you. I know I haven't been there emotionally much over the past 9 years nor physically the last year. For that I am truly sorry. I love you so much and I have not been there when you needed me most. In spite of me, you have grown to a beautiful, compassionate, intelligent, amazing woman with a heart of gold. You have grown so much in the past year and I am absolutel...

I am not a person to go around providing plugs for people or groups to provide their valuable time and/or money. But there is one group that is fighting to help end extreme poverty and they are asking for nothing but your name. The ONE campaign is a worldwide campaign to end AIDS and extreme poverty. There are one billion people living on less than one dollar a day...$365 a year. Because of extreme poverty, one person dies every three seconds. If you can relate this to any death toll in any war ( cite ): 62,000,000 - World War II (1939–1945), (see World War II casualties ) 36,000,000 - An Lushan Rebellion (756–763) 30,000,000–60,000,000 - Mongol Conquests (13th century) 25,000,000 - Manchu conquest of Ming China (1616–1644) 20,000,000–50,000,000 - Taiping Rebellion (1851–1864) 17,000,000 - Timur Lenk 's conquests (1370–1405) 15,000,000–66,000,000 - World War I (1914–1918) (see World War I casualties ) note that the larger number includes Spanish flu deaths 10,000,000-25,000...

I have searched and searched the Internet for the name of the person who studies traffic and traffic patterns. The one person who is a specialist in how traffic works or doesn't work. Who are these people that design the big picture highways and byways across the world? Here is the title I have found: Nothing. The trafficologist is fictitious. There isn't anyone that is termed a trafficologist. Well...that explains a lot. I have had the fortunate and unfortunate luck of travelling in and through 49 States and many Canadian Provinces. In all of my travels, Washington DC still ranks at the top of the most boggling traffic systems. Washington DC drivers are the most unique. Unlike Chicago drivers who if you cut them off will lay on their horn and yell at you, Washington DC drivers will wave their hand in the air and thank you for not slamming into them because they didn't LOOK before pulling out. Washington DC drivers often use the shoulder to drive... not to get to an exit, j...

I love all types of music. Music can be inspirational, educational, emotional and confrontational. Music can bring you to tears with songs like Christmas Shoes or make you laugh with White and Nerdy by Weird Al. Yesterday, I heard a new song from Chicago's very own Fall Out Boy that just plain rocks! The title is misleading but the words make all the difference. Honestly, it is just a fun song. I can see this tearing up the club scene with people singing at the top of their lungs much as songs like I Love This Bar or Friends in Low Places . This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race I am an arms dealer Fitting you with weapons in the form of words And don't really care which side wins As long as the room keeps singing That's just the business I'm in. This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race I'm not a shoulder to cry on But, I digress I'm a leadi...

First thing tomorrow morning, I slide back into my truck and start the long drive back to Virginia. The drive itself is somewhat exhasting, but it is not the worst part. I am leaving the family...again. Another month in solitude and bad traffic. Shae made a comment that I should stay. That one comment went to the core of my being and I now bleed profusely with regret. These last few days have been much like a bittersweet chocolate (life is like a box of chocolates), I have really enjoyed my time with the family, and I am really dreading my imminent time away. I want to stay. But as I told Shae, I have to make money. Her response was "I don't need money." Oh, foolish soon-to-be high school graduate. I have discovered a few things about myself while being here. I have uncovered my own likes and dislikes. The Queen tells me that I often adapt to whomever I am with at that particular moment and that my true self is never really showing. Hmmm...she may be onto something. Since...

The turkey is the plastic thing on the platter... Yesterday was Thanksgiving day here in America, land of the free and home of the brave. Most of America sheds their need for pizza and fast food and turns to the killing of what many believe as the first national bird, the turkey. The turkey almost became the national bird when Benjamin Franklin proclaimed it the most common and symbolic bird in the Americas. After many discussions about whether the Philadelphia football team should be named the Philadelphia Turkeys or the bald eagle becoming the next November meal, the bald eagle became the national bird instead. Thanksgiving is not only represented by the cooking and now deep-frying of whole turkeys, but also for the stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn bread and pumpkin pie. If that wasn't enough, Cool Whip. The Pilgrims who had migrated to America (a land with 10 million occupants) had a grand feast in 1621, after their first har...

The holiday has given me one good thing...an opportunity to go home. I left work yesterday afternoon and headed straight for Illinois. I was not willing to wait until the following morning to leave. After driving for 14 straight hours, I arrived home at 5:30 this morning. There is good and bad in this. I arrived two and a half hours before Avery woke up. Even though I was dead tired, Avery was begging for breakfast and hugging all over me. It doesn't get much better than that. We ate. We read a couple books. We talked. It was the me and Avery time I missed so much. Two older kids wandered their way downstairs where we talked and caught up a little. The Queen needed to take Avery to pick up an item for / from her mother and asked if I wanted to join them. Hmmm... sleep for a short time (an hours or two) or run around a store looking for a snowglobe. Feeling my eyelids closing as we discussed it, I figured a couple hours was no big deal and I wouldn't miss out on the entire day w...

I asked for my old job back today. I called my old boss back in Chicago to find out if I can get my old job back today. It not that I liked my old job...more that I need to move back home. The plans to move to the DC metropolitan area have changed. What does this mean? Simply, it means I will get to see my family that I miss terribly. My boss said he will check on it. Good. At least he didn't just say no and it was done. I have applied at a few other companies in the area, but I really don't expect too much from them. My network is not very big in Chicago. Honestly, if I had a choice and could make the money, I would do something else. Driving river boats would be nice. This brings me to my point already (as I almost always have one). Don't be stupid. Try not to be spontaneous when it comes to life altering decisions. Hopefully, my old company can bring me back. Did you know... Forty-seven percent of workers are currently looking for another job or plan to look within the n...

For the second time since I started this new job, I have had to use muscles I haven't had to use in quite some time. The first time was cleaning out a data center that basically looked like my teenager's room. The term storage room I believe was associated to the same location as the heartbeat of the company's business. So, the first Sunday on the job, I went in with a dolly, some large cable cutters, and some small hand tools and gutted the data center of everything that wasn't suppose to be there. Add to this moving the boxes of crap and the miles of cable, and I had a better workout than Chuck Norris does in his infomercial. I moved everything to the new conference room storage room. After leaving, I had a nice clean data center. I was so proud and tired. The following day was when I actually realized that the servers were a tad bit heavy. My legs were like Popeye's arms. I felt like I had been riding bareback on a horse for a 1000 miles and my legs were stuck......

Today...I saw another man's penis. This was by no means by choice. He just didn't realize his fly was down. Now, I have to ask all of the male readers of this blog...How don't you know your fly is down and your Willie is peeking out when it is 45 degrees outside and windy? I admit. I have left my fly down once or twice as a young man. But as I age, the thought of my Jimmie flowing in the cool winter air make me shiver just thinking about it. There is another thing. How do you tell another grown man that his fly is down and his Thomas is outside it's shell? "Hi, I don't know you, but I just wanted you to know I was noticing you Peter hanging outside your clothing...oh, have a nice day." If someone told me that...the first thing I would think is "holy crap! how long has this been this way?" Next thought would be "why was that guy looking at my Winkie?" This brings my to my point (as I almost always have one). Velcro. Zippers work their ...

I am hung up on the idea of finding lard (as mentioned in a previous post ). I know that people render their own lard, but I really don't have any of the necessary equipment nor inclination to do such a thing. So, I am out to find a manufacturer or try to convince a manufacturer to make it once again. In doing so, I stumbled across a VERY interesting article in the New York Times. August 12, 2005 High on the Hog By CORBY KUMMER Boston WHEN the New York City health department asked restaurants to stop serving food containing trans fats this week, it aroused anxiety in some diners but joyful anticipation in me. The stage might be set at last for the comeback of the great misunderstood fat: lard. Every baker knows that despite lard's heavy reputation (it is pig fat, after all), nothing makes a flakier or better-tasting pie crust. Lard also makes the lightest and tastiest fried chicken: buttermilk, secret spices and ancient cast-iron skillets are all well and good, but the key to f...

I have been in Virginia for 3 weeks now. Several things have happened that put me here. But when I first came out here the belief was that my family would join me in January. That isn't going to happen now. Knowing this makes this new job cause a sour taste in my mouth. I like the work because it is a huge challenge and I have a significant amount of support to pull it off. But it is all futile if I don't have my family with me. I miss the Queen. I miss the kids. They are more important than my job or how much I "prosper." It only took 40 years and some broken hearts for me to realize this. Man...am I hard-headed! Going back is not going to be as easy as leaving. Getting a job in Virginia required one phone call and one day. I have a very good network built up in the DC metropolitan area. My network is considerably smaller in the Chicagoland area. Add to that my standard and requirements for living, and it minimizes the opportunities. This brings me to my point (as I ...