John Burkholder

I missed an entire day of blogging. How dare I! What could possibly draw my dedication to the Xanga community away? Work and travel. So, a little catch up. Part 1: Leaving on a jet plane… My wife (QueenSuchandSuch) dropped me off at the airport for my flight to Tampa. I am attended a work conference in Clearwater. The day started off well. I managed to get my e-ticket upgrade so I don’t have my knees in my throat and on top of that, it is in the first row…GOAL! It doesn’t happen often that I am in the front row, let alone the window seat. I proceeded to my gate, B19 and waited for my plane to start boarding. About 15 minutes before we could board, a large amount of people appeared and started getting in line…to board my plane. Apparently, the Las Vegas flight was stealing out plane. The announcement came over the PA system, “For those of you waiting for your flight to Tampa, your gate has moved to B18. B19, B18…close to each other right? Nope. As I started on my ¼ mile OJ Simpson run t...

I have a deep rooted fear, a fear so great that I would be willing to sell off my children to avoid ever having to face it again. A fear I and many others face everywhere in the United States at any time of the day. It is at work, at home, in a restaurant, a gas station, it is endless and yet I manage to get through the day without it totally trashing my day. I don’t have a fear of enclosed spaces, nor bugs (well maybe spiders…because you don’t really notice them before half of my red blood cells are in their bodies), nor heights, nor animals. Not even being duct taped to the ceiling would scare me. I know the duct tape would hold. Some people fear relationships, shots, getting your tongue stuck in the mixer paddles or getting sick. What is it that could make the strongest, funniest, smartest and most modest man in the world shake like a bowl of Jello? Toilet Paper. That is it. I have a fear of running out of toilet paper. My wife ( QueenSuchandSuch ) learned early that I had to have t...

I have been blogging for just over a month now and recently had a discussion with a co-worker (I will call jessieryder for the purpose of the blog) over my writing and people who read it. Jessieryder is a blogger on another board called 43 Things and writes intermittently. Well, he apparently reads my blog as what he calls a “lurker.” We were trying to define the terms for each of the readers and this is what we figured out. Lurker: Someone who reads a certain persons blog but does not have an account with said service (in my case Xanga). Jessieryder is a lurker. Stalker: Someone who reads a certain persons blog but has an account with the service. These are people with an account that NEVER actually write a blog. People who are stalkers are often keeping track of multiple people’s writings through the subscription service. Loyal Subscribers: These are people who subscribe and comment on blogs written. For most people, they are the best type of reader to have. Featured Content Browsers...

That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. Thomas Jefferson I tend to stay out of politics with my blog for a couple of reasons, there is no humor in politics and it is a volatile subject and I am a big wimp when it comes to confrontation. I think that once you bring political views into your personal space, it has gone too far. But, at what point do we say enough is enough? Today, I am experimenting with it because it came to me that people are letting things happen, complaining and not doing anything about it. We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. Well, aren’t we all confused. We agreed to insure domestic tranquility. Do you think that requiring Google...

This is just a quick shameless plug. He doesn't know I am doing it. Before I started writing my blog about The Bean , I asked macastat if he had photos already that I could use in my blog. He informed me that he didn't but that he wanted to get down there sometime this week. The good doctor has excellent artistry and continues to amaze me with his prose and photo. I consider him one of the best photographers I have ever seen. Please go visit his site here and note the Cloud Gate Sun and Shadow photo. That is my favorite of The Bean.

I will speak, and pay you money, and you will have sex with me. I have a daily dose of Reuter’s Oddly Enough. This is a series of news articles that do not have the “usual” news. It usually contains things like “ People Swim Naked in Freezing Water in Berlin ” or “ Cash pours in for Student’s $1 Million idea ” (both from previous blogs). Well, today the article reads: Man says “spell” won him harem of 10 wives TOKYO (Reuters) - A middle-aged Tokyo man found to be living with 10 younger women said he attracted them by reciting an incantation that came to him in a dream. The 57-year-old man's unusual living arrangements came to light when another woman complained to police that he had threatened her after she refused to join his harem, Kyodo news agency said Wednesday. "I had a dream that told me I would become attractive to women if I recited a particular incantation," it quoted the man as saying. A rapid series of weddings and divorces left the man with a large group of e...

I am a fairly technically savvy individual. Actually, my wife used to call me high techno-weenie. I used to love gadgets. Now, I am not as amused. But today was different. I jumped into the new and improved elevator. An elevator impressed me. It wasn’t the swooshing of the doors as they permitted me to move to my 3 floor office, no, it was much better. It was a television screen. This television screen was attached to the front left corner of the elevator. I didn’t notice it at first because I was noticing the putrid color of the new carpeting. At first I thought, “How much time do they think I am going to be in here?” But when my eyes finally met the screen telling me it was currently 30 degrees outside, all of the blood rushed out of my head and toward my middle section. I press the new 3 button and move to the back of the car as others begin to pile into the moving platform. Wow, the temperature tomorrow will be 32 degrees and 40 on Thursday! Woohoo! This little bit of news was fabu...